issues.

hola bellas!!

how is everyone's sunday going? i am clearly dealing with boy issues and i have nobody who wants to listen to them, so i am just going to be rambling with this post. i'm sorry but i think the writing will help?

i met a boy when i was 15 or 16 at a karate dojo teen night. when i walked into the dojo i spotted him immediately. we talked for what seemed hours and hours and when it was time to go around 9:30, i was bummed. i asked my friend if i should ask him for his number and she asked me, what do you have to lose? and i thought to myself, NOTHING!! so i asked him and literally the rest of that summer is history. we had 7 to 8 hour conversations for the whole summer, until our parents said we had to cut back. see, he lived in the inland empire, riverside area and i lived in orange county. we were counties apart and it was so sad. i think everything would of been different if i actually LIVED in the same area code or zip code as him. the summer of 96, he went to atlanta for the olympics because his dad's brother is from there, i think. this was 13 YEARS ago, so i don't really remember the whole details. while he was gone to atlanta, i had a heart felt conversation about him with his dad and basically confessed that i REALLY REALLY liked him. that summer the father told me, one day they stopped by to say hi, AND WE WEREN'T HOME. OH NO!!! when they told this i was heartbroken.

then in 98, i called him one day to check the date for our knotts day and his phone line was disconnected. clearly, his parents wanted nothing to do with me but i didn't know if he felt the same way.

fast forward to 2003, i tracked him down and got in touch with his grandparents. his grandparents were the sweetest people and i thanked them up and down when they gave me his number. i called him about a week later after i received his number and when i first heard his voice again, i melted all over again. so i called him about twice in a year, i think he was in a relationship and plus i was at cal poly slo. nothing was in the cards for us to happen.

then in 2004, i had a personal breakdown and clearly had a night that i will NEVER forget. long story short, i asked him if he would marry me in NYC. when i asked him this i haven't slept in over 24 hours and i had been driving all day and clearly losing my mind. i don't know what happened but i overdosed on trimspa and didn't know that i would never be the same girl. the next day i was at the hospital and the hosptial called his line because they wanted to know the clear story on what had happened to me. he told the nurses he never wanted to talk to me AGAIN. to this day i am totally angry, sad, heartbroken and devastated that this happened to me. HE doesn't know the true and real story and what i just wrote is the whole truth.

now fast forward to 2009, i think he's married and has two kids and through a mutual source i think they are having issues. the only thing i want now, is the friendship we had. i miss how close we were to each other that summer, and how much we had in common. the things we had in common was almost scary.

now the question is, should i never want to talk to him again? should i wait until he contacts me? HELP!@!